Bodyguard

Cast: Salman Khan, Kareena Kapoor, Raj Babbar, Asrani, Mahesh Manjrekar, Aditya Pancholi, Chetan Hansraj
Directed by Siddique
Rating: 0.25

The beauty of a Salman Khan film is that it doesn't claim to be anything but just that. But when you pack in sappy melodrama, clichéd characterisation, a pathetic love story and action scenes choreographed in outer space, not even a Katrina Kaif item number can save the day.

The film is based on the life of a certain Lovely Singh (Salman Khan) who is, (as his name suggests?), a bodyguard. An unshakeable, unbreakable, fighting machine, who leaps out of a train to land on top of another zipping through in the opposite direction. David Blaine: be ashamed, be very ashamed.

Lovely's first vulgar display of power is when he swings by a certain port to rescue a group of girls being trafficked to Thailand in a container. After busting several noses and cracking a dozen skulls, one of the baddies unleashes a huge container that lands on Lovely. But our Superman without a cape is indestructible and the container carrying a million thermocol balls is smashed across. Human trafficking: understandable. Smuggling a million thermocol balls: one wild party in Thailand?

Soon Lovely is commissioned to protect the daughter of a very eminent master of the universe (or atleast of a small village in India), Sartaj Rana (Raj Babbar). Following Bollywood's guideline for clichés, Lovely has a history that has left him forever indebted to the great Rana. Anyway, the daughter in question is Divya (Kareena Kapoor) who's mostly occupied doing girly things with her live-in friend played by Hazel Keech. After much-half-hearted-opposition, Lovely is employed to protect Divya, a duty performed mostly by walking around her with shoulders arched like a lobster.

Before we know it, the emotionless Lovely turns down-right spastic as he falls in love with an anonymous girl who stalks him by calling him about 3528 times a day. An obnoxiously fat excuse for a comedian plays an odd sidekick to Lovely as passage of time becomes extremely painful. How the film concludes won't make it to Kaun Banega Crorepati's first round of questions but those who brave to sit through this can surely crack 'Who Dares Wins'.

Things about 'Bodyguard' that are incomprehensible or retarded or both: 1. Each time Lovely gets a phone call his body jerks ahead like someone has kicked his behind. 2. There is a quirky scene involving a remote controlled helicopter that is let loose on Divya. As it slashes through fruits, furniture, the special effects are tacky enough for it to seem like a housefly that can be easily swatted down.

Among the performances, Salman translates innocence with idiotic grins and expressions that can't be briefed here. Kareena's character is not important enough to be able to decide the fate of this film. Raj Babbar only reinforces the logic behind him being scarce in films, drifting between loud and controlled hamming.

The music covers the landscape, from the chirpy, 'I love you' to the full-blast disco-dhol number, 'Desi Beats'. When director Siddique said that Salman Khan will be seen here in an avatar he has never been seen in, he wasn't lying. But the pertinent question is, do we want to see Salman in an emotionally challenged, Forest Gump-ish state?

Rascals

Cast: Sanjay Dutt, Ajay Devgn, Kangna Ranaut, Arjun Rampal, Chunky Pandey, Satish Kaushik

Directed by David Dhawan

Rating: *

Brand David Dhawan has always urged moviegoers to leave their brains at home. It's easy to pick a hole at this suggestion, who packs to go watch a movie, anyway? But assuming this was possible, can the remaining organs collectively make his movies an enjoyable experience? This is clearly an open debate for another forum. For now, 'Rascals' is yet another from the Dhawan stable that sticks to the staple ingredients that make his films what they're known for: silly gags, women in minimal clothing and rhyming one-liners which are usually insults. Having said that, don't expect anything more or less than just that from this one.

The film features conmen Chetan Chauhan (Sanjay Dutt) and Bhagat Bhosle (Ajay Devgn) who both spend some time conning others and then each other before landing up in Bangkok. Here, between trying to one-up each other, idiotically duping locals and some in-film branding for Pan Pacific Hotel, they bump into Khushi (Kangna Ranaut), a millionaire without a cause. Khushi's flippant attitude towards her immeasurable wealth (she keeps aimlessly signing cheques worth crores of rupees) and her perfectly toned body instantly draw our despicable duo towards her.

Naturally, our already competing rascals try every prank in the book to malign, seriously injure or ridicule each other, to win Khushi's attention and interest. The odd part of this sleaze contest is that neither of them seems to know whether they're gunning for Khushi's wealth or her vital stats. In all this, Khushi grins dementedly when flirted with/ spoken to/just like that, much like a battery-operated doll running on dodgy batteries.

A possible duplication of Govinda-Anil Kapoor's 'Deewana Mastana' is only obvious. Apart from the entire format, even elements like setting up a hooker to tarnish the other and a long exchange of dialogues involving cult B'wood actors who sacrificed their love for a friend or a brother, seem stale and tiring. Stupid humour is the nationally accepted form of humour in Bollywood. But 'Rascals' manages the incredible feat of falling below the already low standards set by this genre.

Sanjay Dutt and Ajay Devgn haven't aged well. But that is not the issue. The issue is that they have aged and they need to realise that if they don't stop playing twenty-something's now, it could just be a bit too late to play the forty-somthings. Kangna's speech therapist has done a great job but when she's excited in a scene, there's no stopping the spit from hitting the ceiling.

'Deewana Mastana' had tickled many arm pits to be memorable. This washed-up version only repeats the better gags and in doing so, ruins the fond association with the original.

RA.One

Cast: Shahrukh Khan, Kareena Kapoor, Arjun Rampal, Armaan Verma, Shahana Goswami, Tom Wu

Directed by Anubhav Sinha

Rating: Not even OneScience fiction is an oxymoron. And when this genre is sprinkled with moronic humour and logic takes a beating from hell, you know you've punched your tickets for 'R.A.One'. With metallic blue and red costumes right out of Falguni Pathak's wardrobe, this out-of-console experience offers laughs, dances and androids touching humans in more ways than considered socially acceptable.

The film sweeps us into a video game fantasy where anything is possible (with a 175-crore-budget, it better be). Game developer, Shekhar Subramanium (Shahrukh Khan) wants to earn his son, Prateek's (Armaan Verma) love and respect. And the only thing that gives Prateek joy is to see his joystick twiddling to spell doom for the most impossible super-villain ever. So daddy makes a baddie just like that and calls it R.A.One (Arjun Rampal). The game also has a not-so-indestructible superhero called G.One (an emotionally challenged Shahrukh). Please read the box carefully for the 25 permutation-combinations in which R.A.One and G.One can kill each other (something to do with the heart being in the body and not in the pocket or anywhere else during combat).

Anyway, it gets nasty as the characters tear out of the game, 'Terminator 2' style and thanks to some goofy programming, R.A.One is hell-bent on killing Prateek. Naturally, G.One has to do the rescuing and being an android, do it without getting teary-eyed or romantic with Prateek's mum, Sonia (Kareena Kapoor). But who said robots can't ham or chant prophetic life-changing verses coded by its master? No.One!

Humour based on linguistic stereotypes may have worked in 'Zabaan Sambhalke' but now it hardly earns a chuckle. This is assuming the average audience intellect dictates that Tamilians don't always say 'Aiyoo' or pronounce 'keys' as 'kiss'. And even if they do, no amount of laughter track can make this seem funny. No.Fun!

'R.A.One' does what no other Sci-Fi movie has done before: it mocks itself. So, the superhero who is manually stopping trains in one scene, is also burning his crotch or sneezing out metallic wires in another. No respect.

Shahrukh's robotic expressions will remind you of his 'My Name is Khan' role, as he confuses machines with differently-abled humans. Kareena's character covers the entire gamut of expressions but isn't memorable or mentionable enough to be regarded. Arjun Rampal has bagged his dream role: an android with mechanical expressions who allows his body to do the talking. Good job, Arjun Rampal's body!

The VFX award would go for most battle arenas, inspired from many popular games. It wouldn't go for the local train sliding out of CST station like a PowerPoint slide.

It's convenient to say that if you have no expectations from R.A.One, you wouldn't be disappointed. But if you feel so little for the film, why go to watch it at all?

LOVE Ka The End Movie Review

Gone are the days when betrayed or rejected in love, the naive, dainty and timid woman would be morose and shed tears for her darling for rest of the life. However not any more as today youth is much different. They are very spontaneous, have fragile egos and emotions, are highly impulsive, aggressive want everything at the spur of the moment, etc.

Today's woman is no longer an abla naari she knows what she wants from life and wouldn't mind giving a blow to the one, who messes around with her. She is no longer ready to take things in her stride rather braves in answering back. YRF's latest venture LUV KA THE END, which has been made under their new production arm Y-films, is on the same lines. Rhea Dialdas (Shraddha Kapoor) is the quintessential girl next door, in love with her classmate Luv Nanda (Taaha Shah), the richest, spoilt brat and the most popular boy in college. On the eve of her 18th birthday, they plan to take their relationship to the 'next level'.

Everything is just perfect and rosy for Rhea till she accidentally discovers Luv is not as nice as she thought he was and chased her only as he is a part of some sick internet game, where scoring a virgin gets him the biggest score and has been going around with too many females at the same time. So, Rhea decides to not get mad, but to get even and bring Luv Nanda down! All in the span of one night. Rhea with the help of her two best friends devise a wicked plan to teach the supercool Luv a lesson. LUV KA THE END is out-an-out chick flick and would absolutely appeal to all those women and girls who have been deceived sometime in their life by their dearies. The film has everything that we come across in our day-to-day life - a stud, hot babes, a dreamy-eyed romantic pretty teenager, hang outs, night outs, parties, pyjama parties, best buddies, gangs, social networking, etc which looks quite real and relatable. The language spoken (including abuses) and youthful terminologies like babes, BFF (best friend forever), etc also add to film's realism.

The concept of LUV KA THE END is fresh, exuberant and snazzy, which works for its love decimation. Surprisingly it comes from a production house (Yash Raj Films), who gave Bollywood enough romance sutras with their miscellaneous love-stories in the past. However, as they say change is the only constant thing and you have to gel with the time so YRF is no exception. Right from the beginning the film's script holds you on but the real fun begins when it shifts the gear i.e. when the girl gang embarks to take revenge from the womanizer and make Luv Nanda to 'Luv Nanga'. The various tricks which the girls employ against Luv may appear little kiddish and ludicrous but it's those notorious tricks which makes the fare engaging enough. You feel and care for the charming Rhea's sentiments and despite of the silly tricks you want to join hands with Rhea in her Luv demolishing maneuver. Though LUV KA THE END is youthfully relevant, on the flipside the hidden motto of the film i.e. of being revengeful and acting impulsively does not go down well and has the chance of spreading a negative message among the youth. The music and songs of the film are peppy and go in sync with the happenings. The 'Mutton' song and Ali Zafar's track 'Fun Fun Funaa' stands out.

The best part of the film is its endearing performances. Shraddha Kapoor clearly steals the show and it's her performance which lights up the film. She is the star of the film. The lead actor Taaha Shah, despite having those killing looks, his performance fades away because of his flawed accent and at times looks unreal. Rhea's best friends - Jugs (Pushtie Shaktie) as the plump supporter induces laughs and Sonia also performs well in her part. Archana Puran Singh (Sonia's mother oops her mom-cum-friend), who loves mingling with youth, suits the role. Ali Zafar's cameo in the end is delightful like icing on cake. Rest of the cast - Karthikeyan, Timmy, Golu, Natasha also play their part well. Shenaz Treasurywala's cameo is seducing. Rhea's kid sister in the film is pretty good but her grandmother's part doesn't bring any laughter. On the contrary it comes as a speed-breaker in the speedy affair. So all the girls out there buckle up for one crazy night and don't miss this chic-flick. Rating - 3.5/5

Band Baaja Baaraat

Cast : Anushka Sharma, Ranveer Singh
Crew
Cinematographer :Aseem Mishra
Story Writer : Maneesh Sharma
Costume Designer : Niharika Khan
Sound Designer : Inderjit Neogi
Director : Maneesh Sharma
Producer : Aditya Chopra
Production Designer : T.P.Abid
Banner : Yash Raj Films

Music Director : Salim Merchant, Sulaiman Merchant
Lyricist : Amitabh Bhattacharya

Synopsis : Shruti (Anushka Sharma) is a 20 something no nonsense girl from a middle class Delhi household. Focused and determined with preplanned ambitions, her goals in life are well laid out by the time she reaches her final year of college. Bittoo (Ranveer Singh), on the other hand, has no real aim in life. As a final year college student of Delhi University, he whiles away his life having fun with his buddies, barely scraping through his exams. A chance and inopportune meeting (or as you would call it, fate) brings the two of them together on a tumultuous journey where they become partners in their very own, "Wedding planning ka bijness". The rules however, are clear: "Jisse vyapaar karo, usse kabhi na pyaar karo" (Don't mix business with pleasure). Together, their friendship and business, enters the ups and downs of the lavish Delhi weddings. And while trying to find themselves, Shruti and Bittoo discover each other and realize that in the course of their journey, unke khud ke rules ki bajegi band! Directed by Maneesh Sharma and produced by Aditya Chopra, the film released worldwide on 10th December 2010.

Yeh Dooriyan

Cast: Kaishav K Arora, Deepshikha Nagpal, Delnaz Paul, Chitrashi Rawat, Ayub Khan, Kulbhushan Kharbanda, Kunika Lal, Achint Kaur, Rajesh Khera, Adita Wahi
Crew
Cinematographer : Aparna Dharmadhikari
Costume Designer : Jerry D’souza
Director : Deepshikha Nagpal
Producer : Deepshikha Nagpal
Music Director : Raju Singh, Meet Bros Anjan Ankit
Playback Singer : Kavita seth, Shaan

Synopsis : This is the story of a 35 yr old woman 'simmi' she is strong, beautiful and a famous chorographer divorced with two kids. Living alone. Her friends bobby,nikki who are working wi th her in the dance acadmy…. after few years of divorce, all her friend and her mom and dad force her to remarry…….. as not only she but even kids need a father in their life….. simmi is very clear that she will only marry if the guy loves her as well as her children……. otherwise she is happy alone… and then she meets a handsome goodlooking model raj who likes her and joins simmis dance acadamy .raj loves kids also and kids r too very found of him. Seeing all this things and various situation the way raj handles like a man in simmis life…. They both fall in love… but reality of life as our socity does not accept younger guy getting marrid to a divorcee with childrens….in mean time simmis x husband wants her back in her life…. Will they over come society ..............

Dil Toh Baccha Hai Ji

Cast : Ajay Devgn, Emraan Hashmi, Omi Vaidya, shraddha das, Shazahn Padamsee, Shruti Haasan, Tisca Chopra, Rituparno Ghosh, Dhruv Bhandari
Crew
Cinematographer : Ravi Walia
Story Writer : Madhur Bhandarkar, Anil Pandey
Director : Madhur Bhandarkar
Producer : Kumar Mangat, Madhur Bhandarkar
Banner : Wide Frame Films, Bhandarkar Entertainment
Music Director : Pritam Chakraborty
Playback Singer : Mohit Chauhan, Sonu Nigam, Shefali Alvaris, Kunal Ganjawala, Naresh Iyer
Lyricist : Sanjay Chhel, Neelesh Misra, Kumaar , Saeed Qadri

Synopsis : With Dil Toh Baccha hai Ji, Madhur Bhandarkar, for the first time, explores the genre of romantic comedy within realistic parameters. It is a slice of life film about three men and their encounters with love. A listless Naren Ahuja (Ajay Devgn), well into his thirties and going through a divorce, falls in love with a vibrant and bubbly June Pinto (Shazahn Padamsee) who has just stepped out of her teens. Milind Kelkar (Omi Vaidya), a naive poet and an idealistic lover is besotted by an ambitious and practical Gungun Sarkar (Shraddha Das) who is determined to follow her dreams and a charming Casanova Abhay Suri (Emraan Hashmi), starts feeling an alien emotion called love, when he feels increasingly drawn towards Nikki (Shrutti Hassan), a modern girl who knows her wants and speaks her mind. Struggling to cope with modern women and contemporary relationships, these three men go through a fun filled roller coaster ride of emotions with its constant highs and lows, which usually accompany love. But will they succeed in their quest for happiness or love? Or does destiny have different plans for them? With its real characters and relatable situations, DTBHJ takes a humorous look at love and the extent people will go to escape or attain it.